You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
