On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
