Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
