epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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