420 ftw
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
