Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
