Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
