The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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