You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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