You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
