The maid of honor just puked.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
