i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
