he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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