the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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