apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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