my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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