You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
