a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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