HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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