Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
