No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
