Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
