Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
