I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
