can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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