I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
