What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
