I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
