You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
