I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
