my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
