the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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