As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They have beer where we have blood.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
