apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
