Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this just has baby written all over it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
