I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
