You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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