Kiss
Puke
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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