I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
