I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
