I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
