I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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