I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
