Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
