I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
