Taylor Swift is so right about you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
