Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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