somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
