whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
