I hate all girls vehemently.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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